装B年龄不能错过。记录生活势在必得~

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.3
Mind:	7.9
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	4.5
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	7.7
Finance:	5.8

个人认为还是客观的  选题都比较全面
哇哈哈哈
他们还问，“您的身体素质超过很多人，请谈谈你是怎么维持的。”  我心想，因为是未成年人……无嗜好无疾病无精神烦恼……

“You seem to be lacking in spirit. Improve your score by refining your beliefs and searching for answers to philosophical questions. Consider new belief systems if your current beliefs are not rewarding you”

哈哈哈   仅供娱乐～ 

原名 Nerdy Pickup Lines。多好，知识分子的情爱表达，哈哈。我就是一十足的nerd。挺喜欢的都标红了。
（其他的要么觉得没意思，要么看不懂，哈哈）
你愿意的话，我一个一个跟你解释、探讨。

来自Facebook

1. You're like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves

3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

4. If i was an enzyme, i'd be helicase so i could unzip your genes

5. I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

6. Baby, you overclock my processor.

7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive

9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers

10.You defragment my life

11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?

12. You're so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear

13. Baby, let me find your nth term

14. I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

15. Baby i'll treat you like my hw- I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long

16. Hey baby, can i see what's under your radical?

17. If I were an integral, I'd fill you up.

18. I'm a fermata... hold me

19. I think my heart just lagged.

20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.

21. did you just combust?? Because you're HOT!

22. By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.

23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.

24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!

25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply。

26. Baby, you're a 9.999999999...but you'd be a 10 if you were with me.

27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up

28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

29. What's your sine? It must be pi/2 because you're the 1

30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?

31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.

32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)

33. When you and me get together it's like superposition of 2 waves in phase.

34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1

36. You know.. it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force

37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours... and then half again... and again... etc.... would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.

38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?

42. Our love is like dividing by zero.... you cannot define it

43. Lets meet somewhere... you bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod

44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves

45. Hey baby, what's your tanx cosx?

46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress

47. Let's discover our coefficient of friction

48. Baby, you're so gneiss I'll never take you for granite.

49. I less than three you..... (i < 3 you)

50. I heard you're sine because you're always on top when we make tangent

51. You be Flourine and I'll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron

52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you

53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded

54. I must be Earth and you must be the Sun, cause the closer I orbit, the hotter you get.

55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.

56. Excuse me, ma'am, but can I get your seven significant digits?（中国11或8，哈哈）

57. I'm overheating because you're stuck in my head like an infinite loop.

58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!

59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting 100 MOLES of my water and salt

60. *i'll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!

61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don't have any viruses...

62. i'm relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.

63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s

64. I'm a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?

65. I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun--with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

66. YouTube Myspace and I'll Google your Yahoo

67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose

68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it's more than just our universal gravitation...

69. I'll "eye" your pod! ;)

70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in depth T and N = osculating plane, which literally means the 'kissing' plane.

71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.
(Uraniums symbol is U and Iodines symbol is I)

72. Baby, we've got chemistry together... next period.

73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.

比之前那个实用一些。我知道的都标红了。

　　1. 看看你的拉链，如果上面有YKK三个字母，那么说明这是全球最大的拉链制造商YoshidaKogyoKabushibibaisha的产品（如果你有jack&jones的衣服请注意以下拉链）　

　　2. 麦当劳40%的利润来自Happy Meals的销售
　　
　　3. 1996版的韦氏词典有315处拼写错误
　　
　　4. 每天平均有12个新生儿被交给错误的父母
　　
　　5. 巧克力对于狗来说是致命的，只要几盎斯就可以使一只小狗，因为心脏和神经系统受损而死亡
　　
　　6. 19世纪30年代番茄酱是作为药品来销售的
　　
　　7. 达芬奇可以一手写字，同时另一手作画
　　
　　8. 剪刀是达芬奇发明的
　　
　　9. 描绘蒙娜丽莎的嘴唇花费了达芬奇10年的时间
　　
　　10. 二战期间颁发的奥斯卡奖座是木制的，因为当时金属是稀缺物资
　　
　　11. 拉斯维加斯的赌场都没有钟
　　
　　12. 李小龙的动作非常快，快到看不清，所以拍电影时只好放慢胶片的速度
　　
　　13. 仰面躺着并缓缓地抬起双腿，可以免于陷入流沙之中
　　
　　14. 驱蚊水并不驱蚊而是干扰蚊子的感觉器官，这样它们就找不到人在哪里
　　
　　15. 牙医建议，牙刷应放置于距离盥洗室至少6英尺远，以避开冲马桶时产生并漂浮于空气中的各种微粒
　　
　　16. 最早被打上条形码的产品是箭牌口香糖
　　
　　17. 迈克尔.乔丹每年从耐克得到的收入多于马来西亚的耐克工厂工人的薪水总和
　　
　　18. 玛丽莲.梦露的一只脚上有6个指头
　　
　　19. 希特勒的母亲曾考虑堕胎，不过被医生劝阻了
　　
　　20. 一生中人会脱落40磅的皮肤
　　
　　21. 要是不小心被鳄鱼咬到了，你就狠狠地戳它的眼球，它会放你走
　　
　　22. 人平均只需7分钟就可以入睡
　　
　　23. 在菲律宾溜溜球曾被作为武器
　　
　　24. 猫是圣经里面唯一没有提到的家养动物
　　
　　25. 即使没有头，蟑螂仍可存活10天
　　
　　26. 打喷嚏时无法睁着眼睛
　　
　　27. 睡眠时的脑比看电视时更活跃
　　
　　28. 80%的美国人最喜欢蓝色  这个好玩
　　
　　29. 在这个星球上鸡比人多
　　
　　30. 大拇指的指甲长得最慢，中指的指甲长得最快
　　
　　31. 在美国华盛顿电话比人还多
　　
　　32. 48个最贫困的国家其资产总和还比不上全球最富有的三大家族
　　
　　33. 万宝路香烟公司的第一任老总死于肺癌  这个也逗。koktebel别抽烟了
　　
　　34. 聪明人的头发中含有更多的锌和铜
　　
　　35. 世界上最年轻的父母是1910年一对中国的小孩，分别8岁和9岁
　　
　　36. 出生时，我们的眼睛多大，现在还是多大。 但是鼻子和耳朵一直都在长

　　37. 睡觉时耗费的热量比看电视时还要多
　　
　　38. 人不睡觉大约10天就会死亡（其实有些人例外  一生都不用睡觉的。）
　　
　　39. 切洋葱时嚼口香糖就不会流泪
　　
　　40. 蒙娜丽莎没有眉毛
　　
　　41. 如果月亮正好在头顶上方，那么你的体重会稍微的减少（而非质量。这一点需要澄清，呼呼呼。）
　　
　　42. 发明了电话的亚历山大·贝尔从未给他的母亲或妻子打过电话。因为她们都失聪了
　　　　
　　43. 如同指纹，每个人的舌纹都不同
　　　　
　　44. 惯用右手的人们平均比惯用左手的人们寿命长9年
　　
　　45.“The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”用到了英语中所有的字母
　　
　　46. 如果所有的中国人排成一线从你面前走过，由于过高的出生率，这条线将永远没有尽头  哈哈哈哈哈
　　
　　47. 在中国使用英语的人比美国还多
　　
　　48. 人体每平方英寸的皮肤包含有20英尺长的血管
　　
　　49. 人平均每天使用洗手间6次
　　
　　50. 婴儿出生时有300块骨骼，成人后只有206块
　　
　　51. 胡须是生长速度最快的人体毛发。如果一名男性从不修容，终其一生他将蓄出30英尺长的胡须
　　
　　52. 先有鸡还是先有蛋？根据《圣经创世纪1:20-22》
　　
　　53. 澳大利亚帕凯斯天文台的科学家们曾以为他们接收到了来自地外文明的电波，经过调查，发现那道电波其实来自天文台里的一个微波炉
　　
　　54. 戴耳塞一小时，耳朵里的细菌数量将是原来的700倍
　　
　　55. 一个French kiss可以交换超过40000个寄生虫和250种细菌
　　
　　56. 男性较女性视力好，女性较男性听力好
　　
　　57. 可口可乐最初是绿色的
　　
　　58. 世界上最常见的名字是：穆罕默德
　　
　　59. 失明的女性是男性的两倍
　　
　　60. 人不会因为屏息而死
　　
　　61. 当你打喷嚏的时候，你的心脏会停止跳动约1毫秒
　　
　　62. 猪无法看到天空
　　　　
　　63.“Sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick”是英语中最绕口的绕口令
　　
　　64. 过于剧烈的喷嚏会震裂肋骨，而试图憋住喷嚏将 使颈部或者颅内的血管破裂从而致命
　　
　　65. 扑克牌中每个花色的K都代表着历史上的伟大君王：黑桃是大卫王，梅花是亚历山大大帝，红桃是查理大帝，方块是凯撒大帝
　　
　　66. 111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
　　　　
　　67. 当你看到一尊骑士的雕像，如果马是四脚腾空的，那么此人战死沙场；如果马的一只前脚抬起，那么此人因在战斗中负重伤而牺牲；如果马的四脚皆着地，那么此人死于自然原因
　　
　　68. 蜂蜜不会变质
　　
　　69. 鳄鱼无法伸出它的舌头
　　
　　70. 蜗牛一觉可以睡上3年
　　
　　71. 所有的北极熊都是左撇子
　　
　　72. 1987年，美国航空公司在向头等舱提供的每份沙拉中，减少1颗橄榄，从而节省了40000美元
　　
　　73. 蝴蝶的味觉器官在它们的脚上
　　
　　74. 大象跳不起来
　　
　　75. 在过去的4000年里，没有新的动物被驯养
　　
　　76. 一般来说，人们害怕蜘蛛胜过死亡
　　
　　77. assassination和bump这两个词是莎士比亚创造的

You Know You're a Beijing Ren When..

当你……的时候，你知道你是个京片子。

1. You've been spit on countless times

你被吐过无数次痰

2. When you go back to your home country, you try to bargain in shops

当你回祖国时，你试图在商店里讨价还价

3. Stop signs? Traffic lights? What?

停止标志？红灯？算啥？

4. You never look both ways before crossing the street

你过街再也不看路的两边有没有车了。

5. Going to the Great Wall is really boring

去长城很无聊。

6. You have tons of designer clothes, none of which are real

你有一堆名牌衣服，没有一件是真的

7. You own movies on dvd before they come out in theaters

你有还未在影院放映的DVD版电影

8. 5 kuai is a big tip to give a taxi driver

给出租车司机5块钱作为小费算很多。

9. You don't think it's weird when you see hundreds of people trying to squeeze into one bus

看到有成百的人群试图机上一辆公车时，你已经不惊讶了。

10. It's not weird when 50 year old constuction workers check you out

一个50多岁的工人在扫视你这种事情不足为奇。

11. You've been called lao wai

你被称之为‘老外’

12. Bing tang hu lu!!!!

……冰糖葫芦！！

13. You love the pollen in spring because it's the closest you get to snow

你特别喜欢柳絮，因为那是你最能接近雪的时候

14. Getting clothes tailored is cheaper than buying them

量身定做衣服比自己去买要便宜

15. Manicures, pedicures and massages aren't considered luxuries

修手脚指甲和按摩都不是所谓的“奢侈”

16. Anything can be put in the back of a truck (flowers, humans, beer, chickens...)

任何东西都能往卡车上堆（花草、人、啤酒、鸡。。）

17. Nothing is official. Nothing is against the law as long as you don't get caught

没有所谓的“官方”。只要你不被抓，没有什么是犯法的

18. Guards don't have guns, they have sticks

保卫们没有枪。他们有棍子。

19. There is no legal drinking age

没有所谓的合法酒龄。

20. You are "very good friends" with numerous shopkeepers

你和数位小摊商人是“好朋友”

21. Liu kou shui is yummy. You buy it by the box

『流口水』很好吃。你整盒整盒地买

22. Horn honking means nothing. It's just a habit.

按喇叭不算什么，只不过是习惯性动作

23. You learn to appreciate a taxi driver that actually wants to take you where you want to go

你开始珍惜某些真的会带你去目的地的出租司机

24. You get excited for the winter sweet potatoes

你为冬天的烤红薯感到兴奋。

25. Everything you own is from Ikea

你所有的东西都来自Ikea.

26. You don't drink water. You just don't

你不喝水。你就是不喝。

27. Sparks fly when you move your blanket

（习惯于）挪移被子的时候擦出火花

28. Your lips, hands, skin, and hair are always dry

嘴唇、手、皮肤和头发永远都是干的

29. You think Chinese food from your own country is disgusting

你觉得祖国的中餐很垃圾

30. You get really excited when Wikipedia is unblocked

维基解禁的时候，你超级兴奋。

31. You add an "er" to everything you say in chinese. (Sanlituner, wan er, zai na er?")

你说中文的时候会带儿话音（三里屯儿，玩儿，在哪儿？）

32. It doesn't bother you when people stare. You just stare back.

你已经习惯于有人盯着你。这时候，你就“反盯”

33. You no longer clean anything, you know the dust will be back in an hour.

你不再清扫任何东西。反正尘埃一个小时后就会回来。

34. You carry toilet paper everywhere and you are very good at using a squatter

你去哪儿都带着卫生纸，并且在行于『蹲坑』这事儿。

35. You stock up on toothpaste and toiletries whenever you're in your country

你在祖国会囤积牙膏和厕所用具

36. You have multiple piercings your parents don't know about. And a tatoo

你有数个扎眼（全身），你父母不知道。还有个刺青。

37. You buy lava lamps at the black market

你会在黑市买岩熔灯（屋内装饰品，“两种密度相近的液体被灯泡加热而产生运动”）

38. You sleep better on night trains than in your own bed

你在火车（软卧）上睡得比自家床还舒服

39. You love fang bian mian

你热爱方便面。

40. Roads go in rings

路按“环”说。

41. You have to pay to use the bathroom. It's easier to go in a bush

比起付费厕所，你还是愿意就近（草丛）解决。

42. You can tell anyone exactly how many days there are until the olympics

你可以准确地告诉别人离奥运开幕式还有几天。

43. You can spot a tourist a mile away

你能远远地发现旅游的人

44. You know how to ride the subway

你知道如何乘坐地铁

45. You've gone for a wild ride in a san lun er che

你曾经坐过一趟发疯似的三轮车

46. When you're watching a dvd, it's not strange to see people's head popping up, from when it was filmed in the theater.

你看碟的时候，有人偷冒出来已经不足为奇了。因为是枪版碟

47. You can always see cranes. No matter where you look.

你总能看到起重机。不往哪儿看

48. If you can't find a place you're looking for, chances are it's not because you're lost, it's just been torn down

如果你找不到一个地方的时候，大都不是因为你迷路了，而是那个地方被拆迁了。

49. You don't buy or wear white clothes, they'll be gray by the end of the day

你不买白衣服了。一天之后就成灰色的了

50. You love Beijing and you never want to leave!

你爱死北京，再也不想离开它！

Steven Hsu: when you buy a CD of Limp Bizkit and it ends up having linkin park and Jennifer lopez on it. It pisses me off they add so many songs just to fill up the numbers当你买一张软饼干的盗版碟时，却会发现里面混着林肯公园和洛佩斯。他们为了歌曲数目相当会狂加不相关的歌。。很郁闷
Roger Wang: when you're not suprised to see beggars with no bones in their legs.
Dillon Gorton: When stairs lead to nowhere （这个很喜欢但是不知道怎么翻。。）

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

用“shit”恶搞一些宗教、观念的习惯说法。

* Taoism: Shit happens. 道家
* Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens." 孔子
* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. 佛祖
* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. 禅宗
* Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?  禅宗2
* Hinduism: This shit has happened before. 印度教
* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. 伊斯兰
* Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.伊斯兰2
* Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel. 伊斯兰3
* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. 天主教
* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. 新教
* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.长老会
* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.主教派
* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.卫理公会派
* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.公理会派
* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another. 唯一神派
* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.路德教
* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) 正统基督派
* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist（电视福音传道者）, it's okay.正统基督派2
* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.正统基督派3
* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?犹太教
* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.喀尔文教
* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.基督复临安息日会教友
* Creationism: God made all shit. 创造宇宙说
* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.世俗人类学
* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray! 基督科学说
* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.基督科学说2
* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.唯一神派
* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. 教友派
* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.乌托邦注意
* Darwinism: This shit was once food.达尔文主义
* Capitalism: That's MY shit.资本主义
* Communism: It's everybody's shit.共产主义
* Feminism: Men are shit. 女权主义者
* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...盲目爱国者
* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.商业主义
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.印象派
* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.偶像注意
* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS. 存在主义
* Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway? 存在主义2
* Stoicism: This shit is good for me.坚忍克己主义
* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!快乐主义
* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.摩门教
* Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.摩门教2
* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.巫术崇拜
* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics"（排除有害印象精神治疗法）, p.157. 科学论派
* Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens. 耶和华目击者
* Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?耶和华目击者2
* Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.耶和华目击者3
* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens. 文朝鲜统一教

* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.毗湿奴派的哈瑞奎师那
* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!（牙买加）塔法里教
* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time. 索罗亚斯德教, 拜火教, 袄教
* Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time. 实用主义
* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. 不可知论者
* Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?不可知论者2
* Agnostic #3: What is this shit?不可知论者3
* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.恶魔崇拜者
* Atheism: What shit?无神论者
* Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!无神论者2
* Nihilism: No shit.虚无主义者

* And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
嗜酒
* A new addition to the list from the DAA sociologist（社会学家） perspective...I pick up elephant shit, then test for boron（硼）.
* Dane Cook: Someone shit on the coats!
* In Soviet Russia, you happen to shit!
*Elizabethean: Shit occureth伊丽莎白时代
*Nation of Islam: "Don't take no shit!"伊斯兰国家

真的好多笑死我了。。希望你们喜欢。。>

你说有个女孩

2007-08-15 16:41:38 来自: Autorun (北京) OK的评论

笑死我了……有才有才
难怪没人追我呢……

都听Autorun回家写对联自勉了唉～
只不过奇怪的是…… 这文章怎么是评论张震岳的《OK》？

难道是激发了他的创作灵感？

最近还听grace说豆瓣有自己的flash代码……可以安在blog

哦也，不用两面都改了～_～

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再来俩冷笑话…………

大象

把大便

排在路中央

一只蚂蚁

正好路过

它抬头望了望

那云雾缭绕的顶峰

不禁唱到

“呀啦索，这就是青藏高原！~~”

=_=

二次大战期间，一德国军官问一瑞士军官：“你们有多少人可以作战？”
“50万吧。”
“如果我派100万大军进入你们的国境，你们怎么办？”
“那我们只好每人开两枪。”