装B年龄不能错过。记录生活势在必得~

模拟联合国题记——
“太可怕了～丽都星巴克被西装革履的年轻人爆满的～～（包括我这个穿着服装市场买来的）”

没错，就是一帮有钱孩子聚在一起模拟政治。其搞笑程度可想而知～
地点，北京Rosedale酒店。

上次我代表的是布吉尼亚法索，这次是希腊。我们作为是按字母顺序排的

右边是海地代表，超级第三世界。呼呼呼……这位在菲律宾的英国学院上学的中国人（中文不咋地）。用词都很专业，Day 2和Day 3都是和她一起吃的午饭。是天主教，哈。

Day 1.

主要就是lobby，拉帮结派，看看谁支持谁的决议，然后把很多人的决议都合并起来，以一个整体上交。
我关心的两个事儿都跟别人并了（虽然比上次有进步，但跟别人的详细之至的决议无法比较啊～～）
法国代表采纳了我提倡创办大学研发能源基金。我就喜欢和有领导气概的人合作，而不是做领头人。果不其然最后搞人气投票，法国代表联通菲律宾代表被选为“最佳演说者”

此图是我投的。

本来以为午饭是组织提供的（像THIMUN就让我们在华中的食堂吃了……） 谁知道没有。我就到了一间小卖部买了两袋薯片……边走边吃，很奇怪。
街上还有很多警察，本以为是不是和我们相关，谁知道呼呼过了几辆大巴，里面都是西装革履男，我才恍然大悟是不是×大×大的代表们住附近？真是神奇的巧合啊～～-_-
从9点一直到下午5点，我们都得继续拉帮结派。。酒店里又没有无线网。大家都无聊至极，开始玩游戏……什么Charades啦、Chinese Whisper啦、Thmbs up thumbs down啦……总之很奇怪，因为主席依然用政治语言，而我们都穿着正装……
Charades分成两个队，一个叫“一”，一个叫“Deuce”，老被误念成douche（笨蛋）。灭哈哈哈

做在前头的是主席们：两边是副主席。主席很帅气又有气质，韩国人。最后人气投票也是他最physically attractive

后来有个开幕式晚宴，我没去因为要呆很长时间，作业太多了。错过了晚饭一顿。妈妈接我回家了

Day 2。

今天才是正式辩论的开始。
一共上交了不到十份决议，要在剩下的两天之内辩论完。
今天的几个决议都不是我签了名字的，所以我大多数时间都没在听讲，做数学题。Kim（海地）同学的数学也很好，帮我推出了不少。
中途客串了个嘉宾，中国人，在联合国环境部门干啥事儿，很NB的样子。毛、邓、周都见过，当过医生当过兵。只知道姓高。他随口问了问多少个人想去哈佛，没人举手。不知道这算啥，国际孩子都不屑于主流？=_=
这是他在演讲。PPT做的不太好，但是个干实事儿的人。想通过宣传行动来减少中国水污染。时不时还蹦出一两句中文-_-

他还带来了一个横幅，上面写的一句十字口号，我忘了是什么。“××水清涟”？反正很多人都签了。因为上投本来就很多中国人的名字，我们也潜意识受影响，照仿：韩国人写中文名，东南亚的也写中文名……呼呼呼

Day 3.
模拟联合国有两种人，一种是参加过的，一种是没参加过的。前者100%活跃，不停地举牌子，上台演讲或提问。
主席看不过去了，开始强制性点那些不发言的人……
我被点一次，完全不知道Japan当时说了什么，我就随口问，“日本代表是否同意这个决议的观点？”“同意”哈哈哈。。
因为我所在的是环境部门，跟在新加坡模联时的争论性话题不一样……没多少原则冲突…所以就更有理由保持沉默了。倒是William的General Assembly，人多得不行，他写了5个演讲就被叫了一次-_-人家多积极啊……
三郎说“谈论政治很有意思 但政治很无聊…”

最后还是上台支持了法国那个能源更新的决议，超紧张的说。“Is the delegate open to any questions?”“No.”
最后也如意通过了。“Clapping is in order~”

“请泰国代表解释一下沼气和生物燃料的区别？”“Methane is methane. Biofuels are something else!” 哇哈哈哈哈

中午的时候 主席把玩麦克风放到喉咙旁边说话，特逗。。“Please be seated”，特模糊。。还测试了脏话“shipaii”……这是三天以来第一次听；这里的韩国人和学校的不太一样啊～～

 
小帅

后来坐967到了学校附近，又坐城铁去了五道口，买隐形眼镜药水。

我这两天都是带着眼镜的，因为隐形眼镜在前一天没有加上水儿就搁在台子上了，全成壳了。
显得比较菜。

You Know You're a Beijing Ren When..

当你……的时候，你知道你是个京片子。

1. You've been spit on countless times

你被吐过无数次痰

2. When you go back to your home country, you try to bargain in shops

当你回祖国时，你试图在商店里讨价还价

3. Stop signs? Traffic lights? What?

停止标志？红灯？算啥？

4. You never look both ways before crossing the street

你过街再也不看路的两边有没有车了。

5. Going to the Great Wall is really boring

去长城很无聊。

6. You have tons of designer clothes, none of which are real

你有一堆名牌衣服，没有一件是真的

7. You own movies on dvd before they come out in theaters

你有还未在影院放映的DVD版电影

8. 5 kuai is a big tip to give a taxi driver

给出租车司机5块钱作为小费算很多。

9. You don't think it's weird when you see hundreds of people trying to squeeze into one bus

看到有成百的人群试图机上一辆公车时，你已经不惊讶了。

10. It's not weird when 50 year old constuction workers check you out

一个50多岁的工人在扫视你这种事情不足为奇。

11. You've been called lao wai

你被称之为‘老外’

12. Bing tang hu lu!!!!

……冰糖葫芦！！

13. You love the pollen in spring because it's the closest you get to snow

你特别喜欢柳絮，因为那是你最能接近雪的时候

14. Getting clothes tailored is cheaper than buying them

量身定做衣服比自己去买要便宜

15. Manicures, pedicures and massages aren't considered luxuries

修手脚指甲和按摩都不是所谓的“奢侈”

16. Anything can be put in the back of a truck (flowers, humans, beer, chickens...)

任何东西都能往卡车上堆（花草、人、啤酒、鸡。。）

17. Nothing is official. Nothing is against the law as long as you don't get caught

没有所谓的“官方”。只要你不被抓，没有什么是犯法的

18. Guards don't have guns, they have sticks

保卫们没有枪。他们有棍子。

19. There is no legal drinking age

没有所谓的合法酒龄。

20. You are "very good friends" with numerous shopkeepers

你和数位小摊商人是“好朋友”

21. Liu kou shui is yummy. You buy it by the box

『流口水』很好吃。你整盒整盒地买

22. Horn honking means nothing. It's just a habit.

按喇叭不算什么，只不过是习惯性动作

23. You learn to appreciate a taxi driver that actually wants to take you where you want to go

你开始珍惜某些真的会带你去目的地的出租司机

24. You get excited for the winter sweet potatoes

你为冬天的烤红薯感到兴奋。

25. Everything you own is from Ikea

你所有的东西都来自Ikea.

26. You don't drink water. You just don't

你不喝水。你就是不喝。

27. Sparks fly when you move your blanket

（习惯于）挪移被子的时候擦出火花

28. Your lips, hands, skin, and hair are always dry

嘴唇、手、皮肤和头发永远都是干的

29. You think Chinese food from your own country is disgusting

你觉得祖国的中餐很垃圾

30. You get really excited when Wikipedia is unblocked

维基解禁的时候，你超级兴奋。

31. You add an "er" to everything you say in chinese. (Sanlituner, wan er, zai na er?")

你说中文的时候会带儿话音（三里屯儿，玩儿，在哪儿？）

32. It doesn't bother you when people stare. You just stare back.

你已经习惯于有人盯着你。这时候，你就“反盯”

33. You no longer clean anything, you know the dust will be back in an hour.

你不再清扫任何东西。反正尘埃一个小时后就会回来。

34. You carry toilet paper everywhere and you are very good at using a squatter

你去哪儿都带着卫生纸，并且在行于『蹲坑』这事儿。

35. You stock up on toothpaste and toiletries whenever you're in your country

你在祖国会囤积牙膏和厕所用具

36. You have multiple piercings your parents don't know about. And a tatoo

你有数个扎眼（全身），你父母不知道。还有个刺青。

37. You buy lava lamps at the black market

你会在黑市买岩熔灯（屋内装饰品，“两种密度相近的液体被灯泡加热而产生运动”）

38. You sleep better on night trains than in your own bed

你在火车（软卧）上睡得比自家床还舒服

39. You love fang bian mian

你热爱方便面。

40. Roads go in rings

路按“环”说。

41. You have to pay to use the bathroom. It's easier to go in a bush

比起付费厕所，你还是愿意就近（草丛）解决。

42. You can tell anyone exactly how many days there are until the olympics

你可以准确地告诉别人离奥运开幕式还有几天。

43. You can spot a tourist a mile away

你能远远地发现旅游的人

44. You know how to ride the subway

你知道如何乘坐地铁

45. You've gone for a wild ride in a san lun er che

你曾经坐过一趟发疯似的三轮车

46. When you're watching a dvd, it's not strange to see people's head popping up, from when it was filmed in the theater.

你看碟的时候，有人偷冒出来已经不足为奇了。因为是枪版碟

47. You can always see cranes. No matter where you look.

你总能看到起重机。不往哪儿看

48. If you can't find a place you're looking for, chances are it's not because you're lost, it's just been torn down

如果你找不到一个地方的时候，大都不是因为你迷路了，而是那个地方被拆迁了。

49. You don't buy or wear white clothes, they'll be gray by the end of the day

你不买白衣服了。一天之后就成灰色的了

50. You love Beijing and you never want to leave!

你爱死北京，再也不想离开它！

Steven Hsu: when you buy a CD of Limp Bizkit and it ends up having linkin park and Jennifer lopez on it. It pisses me off they add so many songs just to fill up the numbers当你买一张软饼干的盗版碟时，却会发现里面混着林肯公园和洛佩斯。他们为了歌曲数目相当会狂加不相关的歌。。很郁闷
Roger Wang: when you're not suprised to see beggars with no bones in their legs.
Dillon Gorton: When stairs lead to nowhere （这个很喜欢但是不知道怎么翻。。）

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

用“shit”恶搞一些宗教、观念的习惯说法。

* Taoism: Shit happens. 道家
* Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens." 孔子
* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. 佛祖
* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not. 禅宗
* Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?  禅宗2
* Hinduism: This shit has happened before. 印度教
* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. 伊斯兰
* Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.伊斯兰2
* Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel. 伊斯兰3
* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. 天主教
* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else. 新教
* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.长老会
* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.主教派
* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.卫理公会派
* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.公理会派
* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another. 唯一神派
* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.路德教
* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!) 正统基督派
* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist（电视福音传道者）, it's okay.正统基督派2
* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.正统基督派3
* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?犹太教
* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.喀尔文教
* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.基督复临安息日会教友
* Creationism: God made all shit. 创造宇宙说
* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.世俗人类学
* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray! 基督科学说
* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.基督科学说2
* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.唯一神派
* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit. 教友派
* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.乌托邦注意
* Darwinism: This shit was once food.达尔文主义
* Capitalism: That's MY shit.资本主义
* Communism: It's everybody's shit.共产主义
* Feminism: Men are shit. 女权主义者
* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...盲目爱国者
* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.商业主义
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.印象派
* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.偶像注意
* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS. 存在主义
* Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway? 存在主义2
* Stoicism: This shit is good for me.坚忍克己主义
* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!快乐主义
* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.摩门教
* Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.摩门教2
* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.巫术崇拜
* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics"（排除有害印象精神治疗法）, p.157. 科学论派
* Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens. 耶和华目击者
* Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?耶和华目击者2
* Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.耶和华目击者3
* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens. 文朝鲜统一教

* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.毗湿奴派的哈瑞奎师那
* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!（牙买加）塔法里教
* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time. 索罗亚斯德教, 拜火教, 袄教
* Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time. 实用主义
* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not. 不可知论者
* Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?不可知论者2
* Agnostic #3: What is this shit?不可知论者3
* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.恶魔崇拜者
* Atheism: What shit?无神论者
* Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!无神论者2
* Nihilism: No shit.虚无主义者

* And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
嗜酒
* A new addition to the list from the DAA sociologist（社会学家） perspective...I pick up elephant shit, then test for boron（硼）.
* Dane Cook: Someone shit on the coats!
* In Soviet Russia, you happen to shit!
*Elizabethean: Shit occureth伊丽莎白时代
*Nation of Islam: "Don't take no shit!"伊斯兰国家

真的好多笑死我了。。希望你们喜欢。。>